akulah dedaunan kering yang kau gugurkan dengan sering.
dan akulah dahan rapuh yang kau tumbangkan sampai lumpuh.

sampai hari dimana aku diterbangkan angin, kau tetap sebatas angan.
dan sampai hari di mana rasamu dilumat oleh api, aku tertinggal di sini bersama sepi.

jauh sebelum merasa sepi, aku lebih dulu mengekalkan rindu tak bertepi, agar dapat menjadi pengisi, saat aku tak di sisi.
jauh sebelum kau kembali, aku sisihkan tiap sepi dalam cawan rindu tak bertepi, agar dapat kau lihat seberapa lama aku menanti.

jika cawan itu nantinya penuh, kau akan melihatku setengah bersimpuh, meluap dan membanjirimu dengan rindu seluruh.
setengah bersimpuhmu akan membuat semua rindu luluh, dan semestapun akan ikut bersaksi bahwa rasaku tidak pernah separuh."

a poem, by @adimasnuel feat @ekaotto

masih bertanya - tanya mengapa saya begitu mengagumi dua orang ini? :)

aku

by on 1:57:00 PM
akulah dedaunan kering yang kau gugurkan dengan sering. dan akulah dahan rapuh yang kau tumbangkan sampai lumpuh. sampai hari dimana ...
ive got some leisure time, so i take this err what we called it, like personality test? and jeez, it reflects me so well! :D 

i dont usually look THAT happy on pics :D

 

Spontaneous Idealists like you are creative, lively and open-minded persons. You are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Your enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. You enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when you are around. However, you are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to your direct and sometimes critical nature.

You are a keen and alert observer; you miss nothing which is going on around you. In extreme cases, you tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and you are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for you is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, you quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Your creativity, your imaginativeness and your originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - you then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. You therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

As a Spontaneous Idealist you are one of the extroverted personality types. You enjoy working in a colorfully diverse group of people who interest and inspire you. Working in a “secluded room” is not your thing. Your sense for the motivation of others is almost eerie. You constantly observe that which happens around you and have no problems noticing all sorts of things simultaneously or communicating with several people at the same time.

Your enthusiasm is contagious to others and that is why your colleagues and friends all appreciate you as an important member of your team. Your articulateness and your sensitive ear for nuances in conversations with others obviously play a role. For you, this team-oriented environment is very important because you need to receive positive feedback and recognition like other people need air to breathe. It would be practically impossible for you to contribute everything you need to maintain your high ideals, by yourself.

Variety, challenges and fun are important ingredients of your area of responsibility. You appreciate receiving new stimulation, meeting new people, and continuously collecting unique experiences. However, too much routine, too much detail work and the necessity to stick with one project for a very long time is not your thing. Your strength are creative problem solutions, discovering new ways and opportunities, the conceptualization of new ideas on one hand, but not so much their concrete implementation on the other. Ideally, you have a staff of capable colleagues that takes over your concepts and runs with them.


you can take the test too, just click ipersonic.com

see ya! :)

somehow its true :D

by on 6:34:00 PM
ive got some leisure time, so i take this err what we called it, like personality test? and jeez, it reflects me so well! :D  i dont usu...
hey you guys!
i just wanna share my little thoughts, i got an adrenaline rush this night, and ive just drinking a big cup of coffee, so i cant sleep, caffeine effects.

i cant sleep before i write about this.

so last night was a long night for me, i wasnt really ready for the test, OMG there are manyyyyy things to remember, and im in 'highly motivated not to do anything' mode, i was just too scared, and the fears came across my mind, about whether i  could make it, through all these rough patch to be a doctor, whether i could be a really good doctor, whether i could finally love this path i have taken.

today comes. the test have just passed, and it didnt go really well, but not really as bad as i expected either, sooo alhamdulillah, mudah2an lulus (nilai bagus) aamiin ya Allah... x)

and theeen, i dont know if this a coincidence or what, tapi malam ini hasil snmptn diumumin (yang seharusnya besok) dan lalu tiba2 aku teringat sesuatu, setahun lalu.

teringat gimana dulu aku berdoa mati2an, supaya lulus di kedokteran, gatau kenapa waktu itu berharap banget bisa masuk, sampe2 doa, "ya Allah, gatau deh kedepannya gimana, entah bakalan mudah atau susah atau ampe bego2 di kedokteran, tapi ya Allah luluskan hamba kesana."
lucu aja, mengingat kenyataan bahwa aku tidak pernah punya motivasi yang benar - benar kuat untuk masuk ke kedokteran.
tapi tidak juga disebut paksaan, entahlah.. pokoknya yang penting aku ingin lulus. titik.

teringat deg2an nunggu pengumuman. tidak bisa makan. tidak tenang. walaupun jujur saja, sampai hari ini aku tidak benar - benar tau bagaimana sebenarnya bentuk pengumuman itu, karna yang ngeliatin bukan aku sendiri, tapi babeh.

dan mengingat kembali itu semua, membongkar kembali perasaan perasaan "yang penting tembus di kedokteran! setelahnya pasti bisa!"
membuat aku sedikitnya punya kekuatan lagi untuk percaya.
well, im gonna make it through. aameen. :')

apalagi melihat kenyataan bahwa tidak sedikit teman - teman aku yang ga lulus di fakultas yang diinginkan, atau bahkan ga lulus sama sekali, oh God, i should be really grateful. at least ive got what i wanted.

daaaannn bagi siapapun yang ikut snmptn tahun ini, baik lulus ataupun tidak di fakultas yang diinginkan, be grateful! :)
God knows you better than anybody else including yourself, He saves you a masterpiece, and whether you pass the test or not, it is the part of the plan. so enjoy! :)

yah itu aja sih yang pengen ditulis. sepele. tapi aku tidak bisa tidur sebelum menulisnya. penasaran. hahaha. aneh.


btw, since we've just had the last exam of this module, some of my friends and i were having a little escaping.
- first we went to a wedding invitation, and you know, wed atmosphere always make me happy. and there was a funny story but its hard to tell.
- then we 'kidnapped' two of our mates (both of them are boys), and we karaoke - ing :p it was 9 p.m. and we were singing almost all my favorite songs from my favorite singers.
- then at 10 p.m we ate at 24 hours restaurant, and both of them treated us. they did the line up, they brought the food, such a gentleman!
- they all drove me home, and waited until my door opened, just in case :p
- and one of them sent me this text, asking me whether my dad was angry or not because i was coming home late. awwwww :")


so im not really thinking medical faculty is a bad idea.
well, because i have these crazy yet sweet friends. they keep me sane :)

salah satu sudut fakultas. its a shadow of a tree, and it shapes heart. i know this is random but who cares? :)


the legendary night

by on 2:38:00 AM
hey you guys! i just wanna share my little thoughts, i got an adrenaline rush this night, and ive just drinking a big cup of coffee, so i c...
TOMORROW I HAVE THAT PRACTICAL ANATOMY EXAM!!! (or whatever they called it)



but i really need a breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk, im tired of these thingsssssss, garrhhhhhh


see ya :p
hari itu, aku berjalan sendirian. tidak tahu jalan, tidak pula tahu arah.
hari itu, aku melihat ke depan, sejauh yang bisa kupandang hanyalah jejalan kosong dan sepi menyelimuti sesisian.
hari itu, aku tidak pernah menduga bahwa perjalananku tak akan pernah menjadi sama.

hari itu, kita berpapas jalan.

dengan sebuah cara yang tidak biasa, karna kukira jalanku pada awalnya lurus, tanpa persimpangan.

"kau mau kemana?" tanyaku
"hmm, tidak tahu. kau?" kau malah balik tanya.
"kurasa aku akan lurus saja." jawabku.
"baiklah, aku ikut."

aku mengangguk kepala. tidak apalah, setidaknya aku tak sendirian.

lalu kita berjalan bersama, bersisian.

"kenapa kau sendirian?" katamu.
"entahlah, aku hanya belum bertemu teman seperjalanan yang tepat.'
"oh ya? tidak apa aku menyertaimu?" tanyamu, seperti menginterogasi.
"tak apa." aku tersenyum.


dan percakapan kita kemudian membumbung di sepanjang perjalanan. kau, dengan idealismemu. aku, dengan realistisku.
kau memaksa aku membentuk pola pikir baru, tentang 'teman seperjalanan', tentang hubungan, sama halnya aku memaksamu melihat dari kacamataku tentang bagaimana teman seperjalanan dapat perlahan pergi meninggalkan, dan pahitnya kembali berjalan sendirian.
tetiba jalanan yang biasa kulihat lurus, satu demi satu membuka. memperlihatkan rupa ujungnya. kau serta merta melukisi masa depan, untukku.

"terimakasih." katamu
"untuk apa?"
"menjadi teman perjalanan yang baik."
"aku pun berterimakasih, kalau begitu."

pada menit kau mengatakannya, kau memulas senyum. kupikir aku tau dengan siapa aku akan menghabiskan sisa perjalanan ini.
aku melihat ke depan,
"tak jauh lagi." pikirku, dalam hati.

sampai beberapa detik setelahnya,
"hei, ada persimpangan."
ujarmu, seperti tahu bahwa memang akan ada cabang pada jalan kita.

"aku harus berbelok." kau melanjutkan.
"kenapa?" aku gelisah.
"lihat ke ujung jalan itu. ada seseorang yang menungguku. dia minta ditemani. akulah teman seperjalanannya." matamu berbinar - binar.
"lalu kenapa kemarin kau berbelok ke jalanku?" tanyaku, heran.
"entahlah, terkadang ada masanya kau ingin mengambil jalan yang berlainan."

aku hanya diam.
kau pergi.
dan aku hanya diam..


"terimakasih ya." kau sempat menoleh.
"tidak perlu." jawabku. ya, sembari tersenyum.

aku memandangi jalanku lagi, perlahan lukisan yang telah kami deskripsikan bersama, memudar satu per satu..


di titik itu, aku tahu, mungkin ini saatnya untuk berhenti.
bukan pemberhentian karena aku berada di ujung perjalanan.

hanya sebuah koma,
aku ingin berhenti sejenak, aku lelah.

sebuah koma

by on 9:09:00 AM
hari itu, aku berjalan sendirian. tidak tahu jalan, tidak pula tahu arah. hari itu, aku melihat ke depan, sejauh yang bisa kupandang hanyala...