Temporarily Escaping: falls

Showing posts with label falls. Show all posts

first of all, i'm sooo sorry, i've been neglecting this blog for weeks, because yeaah im pretty busy these days. the kind of business which i love to do, though :D
until tonight, a friend of mine suggest me to listen to this song...

I'm tired of waking up in tears,
'Cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears
I'm new to this grief I can't explain;
But I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain.

The fire I began, is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I'm a Silhouette asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?
I'm a Silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

I'm sick of the past I can't erase,
A jumble of footprints and hasty steps I can't retrace,
The mountains of things that I still regret,
Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget
(No matter where I go)

The fire I began, is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I'm a Silhouette asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?
I'm a Silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

'Cause I walk alone, no matter where I go
'Cause I walk alone, no matter where I go
'Cause I walk alone, no matter where I go

I'm a Silhouette asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever love again?
I'm a Silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
I watch the summer stars to lead me home

then suddenly, it hits me hard..

do i love what i'm doing? or do i keep myself occupied all this time just to snap you out of my mind?

oh, hello

by Isma Hadiatmaja on 10:35:00 PM

first of all, i'm sooo sorry, i've been neglecting this blog for weeks, because yeaah im pretty busy these days. the kind of busines...

"Sunday morning, rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin"

ahh i dont know why i choose this song. its late in the afternoon now, its not raining here, its not even sunday yet. but this song plays in my mind. continuously. repeatedly.

i love maroon 5, but i really hate this song. this song is somehow blue. it makes me thinking about the past i barely had, and the future i hardly have.

now im feeling empty. i dont know how to feel, i dont know what im supposed to say or do. your absence costs me this much. i think im bluer than blue.

"Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in"

i know im moved on. i dont feel you anymore. youre not even in my mind, but you leave me scars. the scars that make scared. i admit it im scared. im scared to feel. im scared to expect. im scared to hold the future, im scared to dream about someone anymore. and yeah i know you're not the one to blame, but i want you to know that im scared..

"But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you"

my life is almost perfect. i have these amazing people around me, people who love me for who i am. people who want to stay, people who choose me. people whom you are not.but ever since you left, im broken. im not who i was. eventho im not in pieces anymore, but i can never be the same. no i will never be the same..

"That may be all I need
In darkness, she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave"

and dont you think i never try to replace you. dont you think i never to try to start over things, create new memories to kill ours, dont you ever think..

"Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends"

cause in the end i always crawling back to you, to our memories, crying for losing you, for not be able to loving any other person the way i did to you, for the chance you never gave to me, for the difference we made after the separation, for the moments that permanently gone, for the heart that i dont know where to belong..

"But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing sunday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you"

ahh i know this is stupid. you dont even remember me anymore. my presence gave you nothing. im just unimportant part of your life you can easily forget. and replaced. i wish you know im haunted..

"sunday morning rain is falling..."
(maroon 5 - sunday morning )

ps. i hope rain brings me something. i dont have umbrella.

temporary feelings

by Isma Hadiatmaja on 5:46:00 PM

"Sunday morning, rain is falling Steal some covers, share some skin" ahh i dont know why i choose this song. its late in the aft...

hari itu, aku berjalan sendirian. tidak tahu jalan, tidak pula tahu arah.
hari itu, aku melihat ke depan, sejauh yang bisa kupandang hanyalah jejalan kosong dan sepi menyelimuti sesisian.
hari itu, aku tidak pernah menduga bahwa perjalananku tak akan pernah menjadi sama.

hari itu, kita berpapas jalan.

dengan sebuah cara yang tidak biasa, karna kukira jalanku pada awalnya lurus, tanpa persimpangan.

"kau mau kemana?" tanyaku
"hmm, tidak tahu. kau?" kau malah balik tanya.
"kurasa aku akan lurus saja." jawabku.
"baiklah, aku ikut."

aku mengangguk kepala. tidak apalah, setidaknya aku tak sendirian.

lalu kita berjalan bersama, bersisian.

"kenapa kau sendirian?" katamu.
"entahlah, aku hanya belum bertemu teman seperjalanan yang tepat.'
"oh ya? tidak apa aku menyertaimu?" tanyamu, seperti menginterogasi.
"tak apa." aku tersenyum.

dan percakapan kita kemudian membumbung di sepanjang perjalanan. kau, dengan idealismemu. aku, dengan realistisku.
kau memaksa aku membentuk pola pikir baru, tentang 'teman seperjalanan', tentang hubungan, sama halnya aku memaksamu melihat dari kacamataku tentang bagaimana teman seperjalanan dapat perlahan pergi meninggalkan, dan pahitnya kembali berjalan sendirian.
tetiba jalanan yang biasa kulihat lurus, satu demi satu membuka. memperlihatkan rupa ujungnya. kau serta merta melukisi masa depan, untukku.

"terimakasih." katamu
"untuk apa?"
"menjadi teman perjalanan yang baik."
"aku pun berterimakasih, kalau begitu."

pada menit kau mengatakannya, kau memulas senyum. kupikir aku tau dengan siapa aku akan menghabiskan sisa perjalanan ini.
aku melihat ke depan,
"tak jauh lagi." pikirku, dalam hati.

sampai beberapa detik setelahnya,
"hei, ada persimpangan."
ujarmu, seperti tahu bahwa memang akan ada cabang pada jalan kita.

"aku harus berbelok." kau melanjutkan.
"kenapa?" aku gelisah.
"lihat ke ujung jalan itu. ada seseorang yang menungguku. dia minta ditemani. akulah teman seperjalanannya." matamu berbinar - binar.
"lalu kenapa kemarin kau berbelok ke jalanku?" tanyaku, heran.
"entahlah, terkadang ada masanya kau ingin mengambil jalan yang berlainan."

aku hanya diam.
kau pergi.
dan aku hanya diam..

"terimakasih ya." kau sempat menoleh.
"tidak perlu." jawabku. ya, sembari tersenyum.

aku memandangi jalanku lagi, perlahan lukisan yang telah kami deskripsikan bersama, memudar satu per satu..

di titik itu, aku tahu, mungkin ini saatnya untuk berhenti.
bukan pemberhentian karena aku berada di ujung perjalanan.

hanya sebuah koma,
aku ingin berhenti sejenak, aku lelah.