Temporarily Escaping

Udah lama engga meluapkan pikiran di sini. I blame Twitter tho, berhubung dia sifatnya microblogging jadi kebiasaan nulis uneg2 di sana dalam bentuk tret. Tapi akhir-akhir ini buka timeline Twitter kok rasa engap. Kayak banyak hal di luar nurul nalar, jadi akhirnya kepengen balik ke platform ini lagi deh sekejap.

alasan betah di twitter

Mungkin banyak temen-temen daku yang ngga notice (well siapa eloh isma wkwk), tapi daku beberapa bulan terakhir memutuskan ga nongkrong di instagram lama-lama. Jadi udah jarang banget ngepost, nimbrung, atau nyimak entah apa-apa yang lagi hype di sana.

WhHyyyYY?? So I've been reading this book yang ditulis oleh Puty Puar judulnya "Empowered ME (Mother Empowers)". Daku udah lamaaa banget punya bukunya, probably around 2021 dihadiahin sama kak Yulisa, tapi baru bisa bener2 dibaca akhir2 ini setelah ga sibuk dikit2 diteriakin "IBOOOOK" ama bocil wkwk.

lecek karna dibawa kemana2

DAN KUMENYESAL BARU BACA SEKARANG.

Ngga menyesal2 banget sih, karna probably this is the best time to really digest anything written there anyway. Dan I dont really believe in regrets.

Sooo intinyaaa buku itu menjelaskan problematika emak2 jaman sekarang yang seringkali mengalami ((((masalah mental)))) (ini ril yah ges), beserta cara gimana pelan-pelan bangkit dan jadi ibu yang "berdaya".

Di sini sempat juga dibahas kenapa jaman dulu itu emak-emak punya 10 anak dengan jarak deketan mentalnya masih baik-baik aja sementara sekarang anak satu dah megap2 (true story bro). Jadi, menurut dia, salah satu alasannya adalah emak-emak di jaman sekarang itu terlalu banyak ekspektasi karena it's easier right now to peek at somebody's life. Hence it's easier for us too to compare keadaan kita sama orang lain dan merasa we're no better than them. Apalagi ya namanya sosmed pasti ya keliatan yang indah2nya aja (walau yg ngeluh lewat status WA juga ada), contohnya:

gw doain yg nulis status ini mentalnya bekbek aja

Oke itu satu alasan. Alasan lain adalah karena kalo dulu itu kita susahhh banget dapat informasi, jaman sekarang malah sebaliknya. Arus informasi terlalu deras dan justru kadang bikin kita overwhelmed. Dan itu yang hamba rasakan gaes. Kek, 5 detik sekali akyu menemukan "TIPS PARENTING TERBAIQQ", atau "JANGAN LAKUKAN INI PADA ANAKMU", dan tiap 5 detik itu daku membanjiri DM bapaija dengan postingan2 tersebut, yang akhirnya membuat daku mental breakdance sendiri alias kewalahannnn.

So, I decided to open IG less often (daku ga punya tiktok), yang ternyata berujung keenakan karena ternyata webtoon dan netflix lebih seru daripada liat orang joget-joget sambil kasi tips kehidupan (not that I'm against it yhaaaa) atau ngesave-save-in resep makanan ntahapa-apa yang kaga juga daku buat-buat.

aq pasca menuliskan kalimat di atas

Ok, back to the topic I wanted to deliver.

Nyatanya memang setelah jadi emak-emak, daku tuh merasakan ternyata ADA HAL YG LEBIH BERAT DARI KOASS GENGS.

Dulu daku rasa koass stase anak tuh udah sesak tiap hari kek mo pingsan, ternyata 2 tahun motherhood daku terasa lebih berat. Well, disclaimer dulu ya, ini bukan berarti daku engga bersyukur punya anak. NOT AT ALL. Tapi daku ibaratnya baru ditabok kenyataan bahwa ternyata punya anak itu engga selalu sehepi postingan2 ig-nya Mamajen. There are lotsss of hardwork, lots of wet diapers, cries (both the babies and their mothers wkwk), sleepless nights, countless overthinking thoughts, lots of worries, lots of "duh banyak ternyata yang aku ga tahu". BANYAK GES.

Daku bahkan sempat ngejoke (because that's my coping mechanism alright), bahwa "harusnya ucapan selamat menempuh hidup baru itu diucapin bukan pas baru nikah, tapi pas baru pertama kali punya anak." karna emang se-menempuh hidup baru- ituh. 

Awal-awal daku punya anak, daku merasa my life as ismarestii is over right now, dan mulai sekarang I would always be labeled as "bunda Cikal" or "Mamak Kal" whatsoever. And I hated it. Because I hate the feeling of losing myself, and I thought it would always be that way. And I'm 100% sure, bukan cuma daku yang merasakan ini karna segenap mamak-mamak di mutual IG daku seringkali merepost postingan dengan caption "Bundaa... kuatkan langkahmu..." atau "Pak suami, ini tanda istrimu sedang lelah batin" di tahun pertama pasca lahir anaknya (another true story bro) wkwk.

But the good news is... bundah-bundah... don't worry, you will find yourself again.

The first 2 years are surely hard, dan yaa di depannya juga ga serta merta jadi 'mudah', but it's definitely easier and we're getting better at what we're doing too. We're getting better at handling our child, or to communicate our feelings to our spouses, or to not worrying every little things way too much. We'll get used to it, and the sleepless nights willl be over too, we'll get our good nights back. Everything will be okay.

And soon, you'll find your path again. We'll rebuild and rebrand ourselves again in a way we could probably never imagined. Jadi bersabarlah, dan probably stop thinking that somebody out there has it easier or better, karna everybody's actually struggling dengan masalahnya masing2 dan mungkin di balik postingan penuh tawa juga ada postingan penuh air mata, dan anyway at certain things, comparison kills. 

Soo inti dari postingan ini adalah... apa ya. HAHAHA. Bingung juga. Tapi yang jelas, buat para mamak2 out there, I just want to say, we've done our best. Be proud of yourself for that. We can do it. Sama agak kurang-kurangi kali ya banjirin DM pak suami dengan what we should or should not do as parents (ini aslinya curahan hati bapaija wkwkwk). BUKAN BERARTI melarang lho ya plis jangan dipelintir wkwk, tapi kamsudnya, mungkin biar ga sengep banget sama informasi yang tiada habisnya, ada baiknya kita scroll dan berkirim meme dulu barang sejenak dua jenak yekhan. 

This is for every mothers out there. Tarik napas perlahan 4 detik, tahan 4 detik, hembuskan 4 detik. Okay, we're good. We rock!

That's it. See you later!

ps. daku sangat merekomendasikan baca bukunya!

and this is one of the reason why

• It is because we already have expectations that 20 something is the age of having it all. While in the fact, well, you may and also may not have it all. Yes, maybe some people already get a firm and sustainable career, maybe some people already have a fairy tale marriage whatsoever, maybe some people already meet their goals to travel around the world. BUT, that does not mean if you are not achieving those, it means you are a pathetic losers. Well we, people, have our own timeline, we run in our tracks. We sometimes jog or do a little walk, and that's okay. The point is that we should keep moving forward (now this sounds like quote from motivators, but damn those right) despite what people achieve. Because it is their timeline. We should really stop comparing somebody's pages with ours. But, that does not mean you are allowed to just be laid back about everything. My point is, just because somebody is succeed at your age, does not mean those who have not are the losers.
• It is because we try so hard to fulfill people's expectations of us. Well, we do live in a place where people 'care' so much about what we have done. People around us will constantly have expectations about what we should be. We should go to college after highschool. We should graduate on time. We should have job right after graduate. We should be married once we make money. We should have kids right after the wedding. Etc etc. It won't stop. And maybe not many people understand, or even realize, that those expectations are the ones that burden us a lot. And the weight will slowly become something that stand between us and our true goals. So believe me, just close your ears tightly when they start to blab about what you should be. You owe nothing to them, so they are not the ones who should decide what and when you should be. If what you are doing are making you happy, then carry on.
• It is because we think our life is only about goals. I recently see a video about why people often feel frustated about not reaching their goals. In that video, he explains that it is mostly because we often become too obsessed with the goals that we are getting stressed over the obstacles that we cannot control. Yes, goals are made so we can be focused to our destination. Goals are made so we are kept in the 'right' line. But once we already on the path, why we care so much about the goals that we forget to enjoy the journey? Life itself is a 'trip' that we take, so I think what's important is that we always, always enjoy the ride