the legendary night

hey you guys!
i just wanna share my little thoughts, i got an adrenaline rush this night, and ive just drinking a big cup of coffee, so i cant sleep, caffeine effects.

i cant sleep before i write about this.

so last night was a long night for me, i wasnt really ready for the test, OMG there are manyyyyy things to remember, and im in 'highly motivated not to do anything' mode, i was just too scared, and the fears came across my mind, about whether i  could make it, through all these rough patch to be a doctor, whether i could be a really good doctor, whether i could finally love this path i have taken.

today comes. the test have just passed, and it didnt go really well, but not really as bad as i expected either, sooo alhamdulillah, mudah2an lulus (nilai bagus) aamiin ya Allah... x)

and theeen, i dont know if this a coincidence or what, tapi malam ini hasil snmptn diumumin (yang seharusnya besok) dan lalu tiba2 aku teringat sesuatu, setahun lalu.

teringat gimana dulu aku berdoa mati2an, supaya lulus di kedokteran, gatau kenapa waktu itu berharap banget bisa masuk, sampe2 doa, "ya Allah, gatau deh kedepannya gimana, entah bakalan mudah atau susah atau ampe bego2 di kedokteran, tapi ya Allah luluskan hamba kesana."
lucu aja, mengingat kenyataan bahwa aku tidak pernah punya motivasi yang benar - benar kuat untuk masuk ke kedokteran.
tapi tidak juga disebut paksaan, entahlah.. pokoknya yang penting aku ingin lulus. titik.

teringat deg2an nunggu pengumuman. tidak bisa makan. tidak tenang. walaupun jujur saja, sampai hari ini aku tidak benar - benar tau bagaimana sebenarnya bentuk pengumuman itu, karna yang ngeliatin bukan aku sendiri, tapi babeh.

dan mengingat kembali itu semua, membongkar kembali perasaan perasaan "yang penting tembus di kedokteran! setelahnya pasti bisa!"
membuat aku sedikitnya punya kekuatan lagi untuk percaya.
well, im gonna make it through. aameen. :')

apalagi melihat kenyataan bahwa tidak sedikit teman - teman aku yang ga lulus di fakultas yang diinginkan, atau bahkan ga lulus sama sekali, oh God, i should be really grateful. at least ive got what i wanted.

daaaannn bagi siapapun yang ikut snmptn tahun ini, baik lulus ataupun tidak di fakultas yang diinginkan, be grateful! :)
God knows you better than anybody else including yourself, He saves you a masterpiece, and whether you pass the test or not, it is the part of the plan. so enjoy! :)

yah itu aja sih yang pengen ditulis. sepele. tapi aku tidak bisa tidur sebelum menulisnya. penasaran. hahaha. aneh.


btw, since we've just had the last exam of this module, some of my friends and i were having a little escaping.
- first we went to a wedding invitation, and you know, wed atmosphere always make me happy. and there was a funny story but its hard to tell.
- then we 'kidnapped' two of our mates (both of them are boys), and we karaoke - ing :p it was 9 p.m. and we were singing almost all my favorite songs from my favorite singers.
- then at 10 p.m we ate at 24 hours restaurant, and both of them treated us. they did the line up, they brought the food, such a gentleman!
- they all drove me home, and waited until my door opened, just in case :p
- and one of them sent me this text, asking me whether my dad was angry or not because i was coming home late. awwwww :")


so im not really thinking medical faculty is a bad idea.
well, because i have these crazy yet sweet friends. they keep me sane :)

salah satu sudut fakultas. its a shadow of a tree, and it shapes heart. i know this is random but who cares? :)