akulah dedaunan kering yang kau gugurkan dengan sering.
dan akulah dahan rapuh yang kau tumbangkan sampai lumpuh.

sampai hari dimana aku diterbangkan angin, kau tetap sebatas angan.
dan sampai hari di mana rasamu dilumat oleh api, aku tertinggal di sini bersama sepi.

jauh sebelum merasa sepi, aku lebih dulu mengekalkan rindu tak bertepi, agar dapat menjadi pengisi, saat aku tak di sisi.
jauh sebelum kau kembali, aku sisihkan tiap sepi dalam cawan rindu tak bertepi, agar dapat kau lihat seberapa lama aku menanti.

jika cawan itu nantinya penuh, kau akan melihatku setengah bersimpuh, meluap dan membanjirimu dengan rindu seluruh.
setengah bersimpuhmu akan membuat semua rindu luluh, dan semestapun akan ikut bersaksi bahwa rasaku tidak pernah separuh."

a poem, by @adimasnuel feat @ekaotto

masih bertanya - tanya mengapa saya begitu mengagumi dua orang ini? :)

aku

by on 1:57:00 PM
akulah dedaunan kering yang kau gugurkan dengan sering. dan akulah dahan rapuh yang kau tumbangkan sampai lumpuh. sampai hari dimana ...
ive got some leisure time, so i take this err what we called it, like personality test? and jeez, it reflects me so well! :D 

i dont usually look THAT happy on pics :D

 

Spontaneous Idealists like you are creative, lively and open-minded persons. You are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Your enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. You enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when you are around. However, you are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to your direct and sometimes critical nature.

You are a keen and alert observer; you miss nothing which is going on around you. In extreme cases, you tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and you are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for you is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, you quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Your creativity, your imaginativeness and your originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - you then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. You therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

As a Spontaneous Idealist you are one of the extroverted personality types. You enjoy working in a colorfully diverse group of people who interest and inspire you. Working in a “secluded room” is not your thing. Your sense for the motivation of others is almost eerie. You constantly observe that which happens around you and have no problems noticing all sorts of things simultaneously or communicating with several people at the same time.

Your enthusiasm is contagious to others and that is why your colleagues and friends all appreciate you as an important member of your team. Your articulateness and your sensitive ear for nuances in conversations with others obviously play a role. For you, this team-oriented environment is very important because you need to receive positive feedback and recognition like other people need air to breathe. It would be practically impossible for you to contribute everything you need to maintain your high ideals, by yourself.

Variety, challenges and fun are important ingredients of your area of responsibility. You appreciate receiving new stimulation, meeting new people, and continuously collecting unique experiences. However, too much routine, too much detail work and the necessity to stick with one project for a very long time is not your thing. Your strength are creative problem solutions, discovering new ways and opportunities, the conceptualization of new ideas on one hand, but not so much their concrete implementation on the other. Ideally, you have a staff of capable colleagues that takes over your concepts and runs with them.


you can take the test too, just click ipersonic.com

see ya! :)

somehow its true :D

by on 6:34:00 PM
ive got some leisure time, so i take this err what we called it, like personality test? and jeez, it reflects me so well! :D  i dont usu...
hey you guys!
i just wanna share my little thoughts, i got an adrenaline rush this night, and ive just drinking a big cup of coffee, so i cant sleep, caffeine effects.

i cant sleep before i write about this.

so last night was a long night for me, i wasnt really ready for the test, OMG there are manyyyyy things to remember, and im in 'highly motivated not to do anything' mode, i was just too scared, and the fears came across my mind, about whether i  could make it, through all these rough patch to be a doctor, whether i could be a really good doctor, whether i could finally love this path i have taken.

today comes. the test have just passed, and it didnt go really well, but not really as bad as i expected either, sooo alhamdulillah, mudah2an lulus (nilai bagus) aamiin ya Allah... x)

and theeen, i dont know if this a coincidence or what, tapi malam ini hasil snmptn diumumin (yang seharusnya besok) dan lalu tiba2 aku teringat sesuatu, setahun lalu.

teringat gimana dulu aku berdoa mati2an, supaya lulus di kedokteran, gatau kenapa waktu itu berharap banget bisa masuk, sampe2 doa, "ya Allah, gatau deh kedepannya gimana, entah bakalan mudah atau susah atau ampe bego2 di kedokteran, tapi ya Allah luluskan hamba kesana."
lucu aja, mengingat kenyataan bahwa aku tidak pernah punya motivasi yang benar - benar kuat untuk masuk ke kedokteran.
tapi tidak juga disebut paksaan, entahlah.. pokoknya yang penting aku ingin lulus. titik.

teringat deg2an nunggu pengumuman. tidak bisa makan. tidak tenang. walaupun jujur saja, sampai hari ini aku tidak benar - benar tau bagaimana sebenarnya bentuk pengumuman itu, karna yang ngeliatin bukan aku sendiri, tapi babeh.

dan mengingat kembali itu semua, membongkar kembali perasaan perasaan "yang penting tembus di kedokteran! setelahnya pasti bisa!"
membuat aku sedikitnya punya kekuatan lagi untuk percaya.
well, im gonna make it through. aameen. :')

apalagi melihat kenyataan bahwa tidak sedikit teman - teman aku yang ga lulus di fakultas yang diinginkan, atau bahkan ga lulus sama sekali, oh God, i should be really grateful. at least ive got what i wanted.

daaaannn bagi siapapun yang ikut snmptn tahun ini, baik lulus ataupun tidak di fakultas yang diinginkan, be grateful! :)
God knows you better than anybody else including yourself, He saves you a masterpiece, and whether you pass the test or not, it is the part of the plan. so enjoy! :)

yah itu aja sih yang pengen ditulis. sepele. tapi aku tidak bisa tidur sebelum menulisnya. penasaran. hahaha. aneh.


btw, since we've just had the last exam of this module, some of my friends and i were having a little escaping.
- first we went to a wedding invitation, and you know, wed atmosphere always make me happy. and there was a funny story but its hard to tell.
- then we 'kidnapped' two of our mates (both of them are boys), and we karaoke - ing :p it was 9 p.m. and we were singing almost all my favorite songs from my favorite singers.
- then at 10 p.m we ate at 24 hours restaurant, and both of them treated us. they did the line up, they brought the food, such a gentleman!
- they all drove me home, and waited until my door opened, just in case :p
- and one of them sent me this text, asking me whether my dad was angry or not because i was coming home late. awwwww :")


so im not really thinking medical faculty is a bad idea.
well, because i have these crazy yet sweet friends. they keep me sane :)

salah satu sudut fakultas. its a shadow of a tree, and it shapes heart. i know this is random but who cares? :)


the legendary night

by on 2:38:00 AM
hey you guys! i just wanna share my little thoughts, i got an adrenaline rush this night, and ive just drinking a big cup of coffee, so i c...
TOMORROW I HAVE THAT PRACTICAL ANATOMY EXAM!!! (or whatever they called it)



but i really need a breaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk, im tired of these thingsssssss, garrhhhhhh


see ya :p
hari itu, aku berjalan sendirian. tidak tahu jalan, tidak pula tahu arah.
hari itu, aku melihat ke depan, sejauh yang bisa kupandang hanyalah jejalan kosong dan sepi menyelimuti sesisian.
hari itu, aku tidak pernah menduga bahwa perjalananku tak akan pernah menjadi sama.

hari itu, kita berpapas jalan.

dengan sebuah cara yang tidak biasa, karna kukira jalanku pada awalnya lurus, tanpa persimpangan.

"kau mau kemana?" tanyaku
"hmm, tidak tahu. kau?" kau malah balik tanya.
"kurasa aku akan lurus saja." jawabku.
"baiklah, aku ikut."

aku mengangguk kepala. tidak apalah, setidaknya aku tak sendirian.

lalu kita berjalan bersama, bersisian.

"kenapa kau sendirian?" katamu.
"entahlah, aku hanya belum bertemu teman seperjalanan yang tepat.'
"oh ya? tidak apa aku menyertaimu?" tanyamu, seperti menginterogasi.
"tak apa." aku tersenyum.


dan percakapan kita kemudian membumbung di sepanjang perjalanan. kau, dengan idealismemu. aku, dengan realistisku.
kau memaksa aku membentuk pola pikir baru, tentang 'teman seperjalanan', tentang hubungan, sama halnya aku memaksamu melihat dari kacamataku tentang bagaimana teman seperjalanan dapat perlahan pergi meninggalkan, dan pahitnya kembali berjalan sendirian.
tetiba jalanan yang biasa kulihat lurus, satu demi satu membuka. memperlihatkan rupa ujungnya. kau serta merta melukisi masa depan, untukku.

"terimakasih." katamu
"untuk apa?"
"menjadi teman perjalanan yang baik."
"aku pun berterimakasih, kalau begitu."

pada menit kau mengatakannya, kau memulas senyum. kupikir aku tau dengan siapa aku akan menghabiskan sisa perjalanan ini.
aku melihat ke depan,
"tak jauh lagi." pikirku, dalam hati.

sampai beberapa detik setelahnya,
"hei, ada persimpangan."
ujarmu, seperti tahu bahwa memang akan ada cabang pada jalan kita.

"aku harus berbelok." kau melanjutkan.
"kenapa?" aku gelisah.
"lihat ke ujung jalan itu. ada seseorang yang menungguku. dia minta ditemani. akulah teman seperjalanannya." matamu berbinar - binar.
"lalu kenapa kemarin kau berbelok ke jalanku?" tanyaku, heran.
"entahlah, terkadang ada masanya kau ingin mengambil jalan yang berlainan."

aku hanya diam.
kau pergi.
dan aku hanya diam..


"terimakasih ya." kau sempat menoleh.
"tidak perlu." jawabku. ya, sembari tersenyum.

aku memandangi jalanku lagi, perlahan lukisan yang telah kami deskripsikan bersama, memudar satu per satu..


di titik itu, aku tahu, mungkin ini saatnya untuk berhenti.
bukan pemberhentian karena aku berada di ujung perjalanan.

hanya sebuah koma,
aku ingin berhenti sejenak, aku lelah.

sebuah koma

by on 9:09:00 AM
hari itu, aku berjalan sendirian. tidak tahu jalan, tidak pula tahu arah. hari itu, aku melihat ke depan, sejauh yang bisa kupandang hanyala...

if you could be anywhere in this wide world, where would you want to be?

we're all humans.and one of humans' characteristic is, they have dreams.desire. something that they really passionate about. and i once had many too.

back to when i was in senior high school, i have few dreams. i wanna be in many places in this world. i want to go to venice, italy, i want to see the beauty of one of my most favorite country. i wanna be in london, where my cousin lives now for study, i want to see snows, feels them, and being shiver because of winter. i want to go to china, to see was i good enough at speaking mandarin, silly thing indeed. and one of my wildest dream is to travel around my own country, indonesia, visit every place (no matter how 'pelosok' it is), learn every culture and meet different people each day.

but one thing i know for sure is, i dont really want to be here, in pontianak. no, not because i hate my howetown, not at all. i effin' love this place, this place plays too many roles in my life, i was born here, is growing up here, this place contains many memories of me, and i think thats the problem.

these years has been kinda tough for me. first, i have to give up my dream about spending my college life in jakarta. and not to mention, my heartbreak. yeah, knowing that me and him had pretty much traces left everywhere in this place makes it even harder. beside, im feeling that im stucked here. im not developing. i always be the same me.i envy many people that have the experiences to see the world wider, to see the world in many perspectives. i know i sound ungrateful. many people are out of their comfort zone, and i, now, am having mine. im in the most familiar place of my whole world, but still, i want more.


well i still have those freakin feelings, and being sad sometimes for not being able to be anywhere in this world but here till one day. it was yesterday.

the day before this, 28th June 2012.
i have few college friends, and we're so much close, and we have this one rule that at date 28th in every month, we are forbidden to be "galau". in sort, 28th becomes our "anti galau" date. it was started two months ago, i dont even remember how we made that rule, it is silly but funny, and still we always celebrate that date and try to be happy instead of "galau". last night, we have different way to celebrate that date. it because most of all were fasting, so we had this one idea untuk buka puasa bersama di suatu tempat bernama AG fried chicken, jangan tanyakan seperti apa tempatnya, yang jelas semodel dengan KFC, cuma lebih kecil dan lebih murah aja. why did we choose that place? because its "AG" fried chicken, yang dengan semena - mena kami anggap adalah kepanjangan dari "Anti Galau" fried chicken...... yah, agak maksa emang, tapi begitulah..

so what happened that night?
nothing special. we ate, chatted, 'curcol', joked, and laughed, and shared some thoughts, discussed, till we came to this talk and one of my friend say, "teman nini (panggilan dari aku buat dia) ndak pernah segila ini sebelumnya, sampe bikin hari anti galau dan ngerayakan di AG. niaaat..!"

and not so long before that, my BSFF, firda, bbm-ed me cuma untuk bilang, "selamat berbuka puasa sayang, kangen bangeeet sama kamu dan vini." (oke yang terakhir itu cuma ditambah - tambah aja, weks)

and those things brought me to this thinking..

yeah, i have this best life, ever, eventhough im nowhere in my dreams. aku tidak sedang melihat - lihat gedung tinggi di jakarta, juga tidak sedang berjatuh cinta di bandung, tidak sedang "bersampan - pesiar" di sungai - sungai indah venice, tidak pula merasakan musim panas london, atau berjalan - jalan di tembok cina. im still here, and i think that is why i should be grateful of my life.

i now declare myself as a happy person, for what i am and where i have been.

im living here (tidak tau sampai kapan, mungkin hingga 5 tahun ke depan) a place dimana gerak dikit aja bakal ketemu orang yang dikenal karena ini kota kecil :") sebuah tempat yang ketika aku berjalan beberapa inci, aku akan menemukan berbagai kenangan yang bertumpuk tindih, tidak hanya tentang luka, tapi juga tentang tawa. sebuah tempat dimana aku mempunyai dua sahabat terbaik sepanjang masa, yang meskipun salah satunya, si bungsu vini, sedang 'diasrama' kami masih saling menjaga rasa sayang serta saling merindukan setiap malam dan siang. sebuah tempat dimana ada sekelompok teman yang bertitel "laskar galau" dan "J-co" (jangan paksa aku untuk memberi tahu apa kepanjangannya -.-) yang siap memeluk ketika aku menangisi cinta sambil tak lupa bersama - sama saling mendorong untuk melengkapi cita.


ya, im in the best place of this whole world. a place called "home" :')

aku tidak perlu merasakan homesick, atau rindu kue bingke dan es shanghai tanjung mulia. tidak perlu menangis karena rindu sahabat - sahabatku. tidak perlu beradaptasi banyak, karena disini aku cukup menjadi diri sendiri dengan segala "garing2nya" aku, atau kehebohan aku, cengeng, manja, cerewet, berisik, tapi tetap dikeliling teman - teman (perempuan dan laki - laki) yang sayang sekali padaku, dan menganggap aku seperti saudara sendiri. tidak perlu bersusah payah mencari teman baik ketika kuliah, yang kurasa tidak akan semudah mencari teman baik di luaran sana. tak perlu ber "lo - gue" dan kehilangan logat melayu, tapi pada waktu yang sama juga dapat sekali dua kali bicara bahasa jawa, sunda, jakarta, bahkan mandarin, karena teman - teman kuliahku berasal dari berbagai tempat, dan mereka semua dengan senang hati mengajari. tidak perlu merasakan sesaknya sendiri, karena disini aku punya 8 teman baik yang terlalu baik, yang selalu membuat aku punya alasan untuk tertawa dan membuang jauh - jauh perasaan kesepian.

and by that, if someone ask me, "if you could be anywhere in this wide world, where would you want to be?"

my total answer is, "well, i still want to be in many places in this world, but for now, i just want to be here, in pontianak. because this is where my heaven is, and if you're in heaven already, why would you ask to be in somewhere else?"


see ya, then! :)


my bestest soul friend ever, firda and vini :*

our silly pic, taken over a year ago, miss you VINI :'))

somewhere outside town, hey who said im stucked in pontianak? :p

this is what we do saat menunggu dosen datang x))

novi's birthday celebration - in the middle of belajar buat ujian besoknya xD
dinna's, menyebrangi jembatan tol pagi - pagi to reach her place :)



at pasir panjang beach, look what we got, bangkai penyu... ._.

they are, my little piece of heaven :)

malam. dia hadirkan periuk - periuk kecil berisi kerinduan yang membenam. dia ciptakan kata - kata dari mulut yang seharusnya bungkam.


malam ajarkan aku bahasa sepi yang menggema dalam temaram. mengajarkan aku hiruk - pikuk kenangan yang sempat kusam.


yang aku tahu, malam selalu menjadikan hal - hal yang jelas sepintas tampak buram. membuat kita terkadang bersedekap dalam muram.


malam selalu dendangkan aku lagu sunyi yang mengiang dalam diam. yang serta merta memaksaku mengisak dalam pejam.


aku tidak begitu senang bertegur sapa dengan malam. terlebih jika ia membawa cerita tentang cinta yang tak juga padam.


namun ada kalanya aku mencintai malam. ketika ia menemaniku dalam isak - isak rindu untuk dia yang jauh, dalam sendiri yang mendekam.


malam. seharusnya bagiku ia tak selalu kelam. namun tanpamu, ia tak alpa menjelma menjadi cerita yang memburam.

malam

by on 5:57:00 PM
malam. dia hadirkan periuk - periuk kecil berisi kerinduan yang membenam. dia ciptakan kata - kata dari mulut yang seharusnya bungkam. mal...